How do I let go

[cantletgo]

I am so lost right now. Spent the last 2 years with the man of my dreams. Prayed for him forever and he finally came along. Less than a year into our relationship I lied to him about nothing that pertained to him and felt was none of his business. He became obsessed with knowing more and more and more...then started accussing me of being a sl**, whor*, tramp and yes even a cu**. I love this man so so much and find myself in a one sided relationship. He no longer tells me how much I mean to him, that he loves me and the other day received the beating of my life. Not figuratively but the real beating. I thought that I was going to die....anyway, how do you let go of the man you love so very very much, the man that I have waited all my life for, the man that was suppose to end my pathetic love life...the man I wanted to marry? He was so good to me in the beginning...so wonderful. I just want him back. Help Me Please.

[chris artist]

to the nearest exit. Get out now. Cut all ties now. This guy is not the man of your dreams at all!!!. And while you are at it running out the door and calling to have your locks changed please find the nearest women's counseling center

This is the support center for battered women
http://www.snbw.org/services.htm
and this is the crisis line for Haven Hills
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence please call our Crisis Line at 818-887-6589.

Please hang up the phone from the locksmith and call the crisis line NOW. DO NOT CONTACT THIS PERSON AGAIN FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!

[catscalw]

Chris is absoluetly right.
Get away from this man. He is sick.
If you are really feeling drawn back in to this situation, you need counseling. Don't blame yourself, you did nothing to desrve being abused like this.You do not need to be sacrificing your safety to "earn" love. You came in to this lifetime already deserving everything your heart desires, and that includes the man of your dreams. I know this is a very complicated and traumatic time, little sister. I'm a man that volunteers at the local abused women's shelter in my town, and I know that none of the truths your are confronting are simple. But Chris is right...if you are in danger, get to someplace safe!

Here is the website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.ndvh.org/

but remember: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear.

If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer!,
call your local hotline,
and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Be safe Little Sister!

[cantletgo]

I should have never lied to him. I hate myself for what I have done to this relationship. I've ruined it and I may never get it back. I cant live without him. I know that I cant. I'm 43 years old and can honestly say that I have never loved a man the way that I love him. Things were so perfect....I just dont understand how something that I did in my past could have this kind of affect on him. He's so cold to me now...ice! And he knows how much I love him and how I have begged him to forgive me.

[catscalw]

Honey,
You need to talk to a therapist right now. You sound like you are blaming yourself exclusively for what has happened. Even if you did lie about something from your past, you don't deserve to be beaten.

You didn't ruin the relationship. Yes you can live without him. I am worried about the tone of your post and I think you are in an emotional crisis that needs the attention of a professional.

I understand the kind of grief that I imagine that you are going through...I've been there myself with a woman that I lost once. I had never loved like that before in my life, until then. Losing that relationship was one of the hardest things that I've ever been through. It wiil get better, I PROMISE.

You will never lose the capacity to feel on that level. Remember...passion and love comes from inside you and flows outward to them. Don't make the mistake of thinking that he is the source of what you are feeling. He is not. He is the object of a great love that you feel, and that can never be taken away from you.

[nolagirl1]

If he was the man of your dreams he would have never laid a hand on you. Run as fast as you can.....I loved somebody and felt the same way. I let him break my jaw, nose and heart. The doctor's fixed my nose and jaw, the heart healed itself! There are alot of friends and family out there to help

[cantletgo]

I've tried so hard to forgive myself and it just wont go away...the pain that is. I talked to him till I was blue in the face this weekend and he wishes that I was dead and that he never met me and cant talk with me without calling me some pretty bad names. I really cant take this anymore. I feel so horrible about myself that I just know that everyone else must see how ugly and how much of a terrible person I am. I just want to crawl into bed and never wake up. I pray for that to happen every night....God wont listen to me...I prayed to help him see the light and love me again...that didnt happen, I prayed for him to just let me fall asleep and never wake up...that hasnt happened.....I called a councelor and all they do is listen...they dont help me get his love back. I'd rather take the beating that have him gone. At least with that he is showing me some kind of emotion. I dont think that he is hurting at all....its almost like he just stopped caring if I was there or not.

[rosebuttons]

cantletgo- You are not LISTENING to anyone. get yourself some help now. This man does not love you in return and never will and its not your fault. get into counseling and stay with it for a long time. Start listening to what people are telling you.

[cantletgo]

ok

[TinyDragonfly]

[cantletgo]

My mother took her own life last week. Until I had found this sight in her computer, I had no idea that things were the way they were for her. She always seemed so happy when we were all around with them. I dont understand. He acts as if he is terribly distrought by the whole thing, yet after reading all of this, it sounds as if he is the reason for it all. I cant believe he hurt her like that. But, thank you all for your advice and kind words to her. She will be greatly missed.

[TinyDragonfly]

[catscalw]

"Curse thee, Life, I will live with thee no more!
Thou hast mocked me, starved me, beat my body sore!
And all for a pledge that was not pledged by me,
I have kissed thy crust and eaten sparingly
That I might eat again, and met thy sneers
With deprecations, and thy blows with tears,—
Aye, from thy glutted lash, glad, crawled away,
As if spent passion were a holiday!
And now I go. Nor threat, nor easy vow
Of tardy kindness can avail thee now
With me, whence fear and faith alike are flown;
Lonely I came, and I depart alone,
And know not where nor unto whom I go;
But that thou canst not follow me I know."

Thus I to Life, and ceased; but through my brain
My thought ran still, until I spake again:

"Ah, but I go not as I came,—no trace
Is mine to bear away of that old grace
I brought! I have been heated in thy fires,
Bent by thy hands, fashioned to thy desires,
Thy mark is on me! I am not the same
Nor ever more shall be, as when I came.
Ashes am I of all that once I seemed.
In me all's sunk that leapt, and all that dreamed
Is wakeful for alarm,—oh, shame to thee,
For the ill change that thou hast wrought in me,
Who laugh no more nor lift my throat to sing
Ah, Life, I would have been a pleasant thing
To have about the house when I was grown
If thou hadst left my little joys alone!
I asked of thee no favor save this one:
That thou wouldst leave me playing in the sun!
And this thou didst deny, calling my name
Insistently, until I rose and came.
I saw the sun no more.

From "The Suicide" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

[catscalw]

"Curse thee, Life, I will live with thee no more!
Thou hast mocked me, starved me, beat my body sore!
And all for a pledge that was not pledged by me,
I have kissed thy crust and eaten sparingly
That I might eat again, and met thy sneers
With deprecations, and thy blows with tears,—
Aye, from thy glutted lash, glad, crawled away,
As if spent passion were a holiday!
And now I go. Nor threat, nor easy vow
Of tardy kindness can avail thee now
With me, whence fear and faith alike are flown;
Lonely I came, and I depart alone,
And know not where nor unto whom I go;
But that thou canst not follow me I know."

Thus I to Life, and ceased; but through my brain
My thought ran still, until I spake again:

"Ah, but I go not as I came,—no trace
Is mine to bear away of that old grace
I brought! I have been heated in thy fires,
Bent by thy hands, fashioned to thy desires,
Thy mark is on me! I am not the same
Nor ever more shall be, as when I came.
Ashes am I of all that once I seemed.
In me all's sunk that leapt, and all that dreamed
Is wakeful for alarm,—oh, shame to thee,
For the ill change that thou hast wrought in me,
Who laugh no more nor lift my throat to sing
Ah, Life, I would have been a pleasant thing
To have about the house when I was grown
If thou hadst left my little joys alone!
I asked of thee no favor save this one:
That thou wouldst leave me playing in the sun!
And this thou didst deny, calling my name
Insistently, until I rose and came.
I saw the sun no more.

From "The Suicide" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

[Guitarista]

Cantletgo,

You don't need to feel sadness or pain.

This man BEAT you.

What is buried inside you and inside your body is ANGER.

From your history and the other family history you've given, you must be enraged, deep down.

Can you remember the beating?

Well, try to remember it again. Only this time, fight back.

Get a tin can and a baseball bat. Try to think of the can hurting you.

Then beat the living shit out of it, and enjoy every minute. Snarl a little.

Feeling your anger can bring you back to life again. Depression is nothing but anger, turned inward.

That man has treated you abominably.

That's NOT love.

Just give yourself one chance...

Wouldn't you sort of like to trip him, with your foot, and see him fall flat on his face, JUST ONCE???

Or see someone beat the living crap out of him the way he beat you?

You may be afraid to feel your anger but sometimes it is the most freeing and loving thing you can do for yourself and IT IS NOT WRONG.

Ask God, "Dear God, please show me my own power. Let me feel it. Let me learn what it is like to own it."

Then allow yourself to feel the rage that is appropriate to feel toward a man who calls you derogatory names for women that are only used by creeps. Allow yourself to feel the rage that is appropriate to feel toward a man who would have the audacity to beat a woman.

And picture yourself beating him half to death. It is just a fantasy.

Then let him go.

Forever.

Men like that are trash. You do not need them in your life...not in any way, shape or form.

The only place for them is in jail.