I NEED A GUY TO HELP ME WITH THIS ONE

[melmel123471]

My child's father and I were not in a relationship just friends with benefits. we have been this way for about a year. I found out I was pregnant and he got locked we kept in touch. He ask me to get his belongings out of his place, i did. In the process I found naked pic and textes from a whole lot of women in his cell also he is addicted to porn. IHe come home I had our child and we decided to live together. It was working at first but I couldn't get the phone matter out of my mind. I have not spoke to him about three months he hasn't seen his child in about three months. He show up at my house when I wasn't home and left a not stating that he wants to have a relationship with his child (which is cool) and he still has feelings for me and he loves me. I don't know what to make of this because I know he still fooling a round with a lot of those girls that were in his phone. That the reason why I kicked him out. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP.

[MysteriousLurker]

I have a core belief that people never change. They may pretend to have changed but in time they always revert back to their true selves. If he cheats once, he will cheat again. If he hits you once, he will hit you again and again and again. Don't be fooled. He may be using the child in order to keep a foot in your door (and your life). If he is willing to pay support then it's possible that his love for the child is genuine. That's one issue that you will have to play by ear.

My advice to you is to keep him out of your life and, unless he shows a *genuine* desire to support your child, out of the child's life as well.

Just one guy's opinion...

[catscalw]

melmel123471-
This guy sounds like a loser, but I don't agree with Lurker, that "People never change" Have you communicated your expectations to him clearly? Does he know what you expect of him, or are you assuming he will come around and do the right thing?

I think you need to get professional advice for both yourself, and the two of you together. This situation has "boundry" and "communication" problems written all over it: you might think about the idea of professional counseling before you take on any of the big decisions.

[sjmoore33]

Mel:

i think you knew the answer to your question before you ever asked it girl! If he couldn't be trusted before, he probably can't be trusted now. if you want to try to give him a chance, don't let him move in. take it extra slow and make sure he really has changed; otherwise, you are in for a lot of heartache. it's not healthy for the baby to be around that.. they can sense when things aren't right.

[coolchick332]

I agree, take it slow. Things shouldn't be rushed

[courtneyiscool]

extend him your trust. Once trust is broken it's very hard to get it back in a relationship. It can be done, but how many chances are you going to give a guy who has repeatedly broken your trust?

[NVRSCORNED]

The most important question is why was he locked up. I would be more concerned about that than anything else. Is he a steady and stable role model for the child. If not then you have to ask yourself would it be a diservice to your child to have to handle having a father who is not able to properly care for him. Sometimes it is best to go it alone even if you love this guy you have to put the safety and emotional well being of your child ahead of anything else.