Is Love Really Enough?

[Lola Vox]

Ok, this is a long story. My partner and I have been together for a almost two years and he is my second serious relationship. They say that you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince or don't put your eggs in one basket. I heard that from all my older female family members. You can say dating now is a bit different than the 50's era. never wanted to date around or kiss a lot of people. So after ending my failed first relationship at 18; I had given myself eight months to recover. I was 19, I met Joe the mysterious musician. I fell for him hard more than my first love or maybe anyone. Our relationship has always been stormy. I'm very emotional and he is very practical. But he is extreme towards me from stalking outside my house or come over at 3am leaving love letters. He use to call people I know to see where I was. Showing up unannounced. From Jan. 2006 to March it gotten really bad. He started to push and shove me. He would be controlling and tried to physically shove me in his car when I walked out his home refusing to go anywhere with him. Then he pulled me arm and hurt me because he thought I was using him. I'm no cup of tea but I truly don't think it justifies his verbal power trips. I moved away from him in march (four hours) to start school again. We fight all the time as always.He is as crude as it gets. We always on and off again. I love him dearly but can't stand him anymore. But I can't seem to leave him. Its this endless cycle of hurting each other. Think he needs therapy but he keeps putting it off. His behavior is taught because his father treats his mother like shit with screaming at her and according to him hitting her at one point. I know his pops is a brute til this day. It's like he stuck in his ways using our love as a """"get out of jail free"""" card to do whatever. I even found lip gloss that did not belong to me in his car but he has lots of girlfriends that I know and are close to. But its like his arrogance is getting on my nerves and my friends are like its an Italian/Sicilian male thing. I doubt. He lost weight in the last year also and confidence boost changed his sweetness in a way. My question is when is love enough to make up for a person's flaws and when is it an excuse? Are relationships have basic guideline and rules to its healthiness or are some individual tolerance? When should one say goodbye? I'm young to the male species game at 21 so if anyone could give constructive feed back please do.
thanks,
Glory

[RipOfftheMask]

Sure, love is enough, if you're happy being with a man who physically assaults you and engages in what you call crude behavior when you argue.

[nadeanbhav]

What about this man do you love so dearly? Him shoving you around, calling your friends, stalking you? Is this acceptable to you? Is this your definition of love? If it is, you really need to rethink it! He sounds controlling and abusive to me and it is a really, really good thing that you moved four hours away from this man. You are involved in a bad relationship, a fact which I think you recognise. The question is do you want this man controlling/abusing you for the rest of your life? Don't you think you are worth more and deserve better than that type of relationship? Come on, RAISE YOUR STANDARDS! If it is a relationship you want, you have to figure out what you want in that relationship. Is is love, respect, truthfulness, faithfulness, TRUST? If not, then you have the relationship you want. If you do want these things, cut the cord on this loser because he is not good enough for you! Smilin' atcha! Nadean

[christy42]

You are only 21, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you!! You shouldn't waste it on a jerk that treats you like sh**. I don't care if you think it's an Italian/Sicilian male macho thing. Just because he stocks you, calls your friends to see where your at, or wants to know your every move, DOSE NOT MEAN THAT HE LOVES YOU!!!! As a matter of fact, he dosen't love you, he only wants control you, and apparently he gets off on that!! You somehow got the idea of control and love mixed up!! And trust me, when he is no longer able to control you, he will move on to his next conquest! If he loved you, he would treat you with respect. And that lipgloss that you found in his car probably belongs to someone else that he is seeing behind your back!! But he will never admit that to you!!! I think you already know the answer, you know how his father treats his mother, which is not healthy, and I have to commend you for moving away, and trusting your intuition. Focus on your self and your education, and let him get the help that he needs, you don't want to end up somewhere 40 years old, with kids in abusive controlling unhealthy relationship. Trust me there are alot of Italian men out there that will treat you better, but be more selective. Take care