My friend is being abused by her man, how can I help her?

[courtneyiscool]

My best friend has been dating a guy for six months. He's gotten really abusive with her in the last couple of months and recently he yelled at her and berated her while we all three went to dinner. I've been telling her about this guy, but she keeps going back to him. How can I get her to see that he's no good for her?

[toots2375]

You can't MAKE her see anything. You can gently point things out and hope that she sees the light. You can't 'help' her until she realizes that she NEEDS help... And when she does, THAT is when she will REALLY need you. She may need a place to stay, she may need support, she may need a shoulder to cry on, and she will need a different perspective than her own.

[Jasmine 57]

Most women will leave their abuser 7 times before they leave for good. Just give her support and dont get in the middle. Only call the police if she asks you too. There is really nothing you can do until she wants it.

[frefromNarcCPS]

Don't take Jasmines advice, she's obviously never been in your friends shoes.

[LAPeep]

It depends on how much she is pulling you into the situation. If she has said NOTHING to you then it is your moral duty to tell her that based on what you saw when the three of you went to dinner she is being abused by this man. If she involves you more, like calling you to complain, or shares details then you need to tell her that she needs to separate from him and get into counseling or you are going to the police and tell them what you saw and what she has told you. She needs a jolt of reality and by involving you in it, you can't just pretend you don't know. I was in this situation and the woman had an 8 year old girl. The mom would come to my house, we lived across the street and tell me what her guy had done. The first time I told her that she and her daughter could stay the night and I talked all night and strongly suggested counseling. Of course, the next day the guy brought flowers, apologized and she went back against my advice. Two weeks later, she was back on my door step. This time, I did not let her in and I told her that if she did not leave and get him out of the house I was calling Child Protective Services because her decision was affecting an innocent child. She left him. That was 3 years ago.

[toots2375]

Fre- I may never have been abused, but rest assured, I know many women who have been. How DARE you tell someone to ignore someone else's advice? What makes YOUR advice so sage and wise? You were abused? SO WHAT!!!!! If you were abused, it means that you stuck around, just like Jas said, and you didn't accept help until you were ready. If you DID get out immediately, then you weren't 'abused' you simply had a guy treated you bad once and left. Either way, EVERYONE has good advice at one time or another, and to tell someone to ignore someone is IGNORANT.

[frefromNarcCPS]

BLAH BLAH BLAH, Thou doth protest too much Toots. Your anger speaks for you.

[toots2375]

Annoyance, not anger. I usually DO get annoyed when ignorant people disregard other people, assuming that they are better than someone else, and their opinions matter, while no one else's do. (If those opinions happen to be contrary to yours)

[frefromNarcCPS]

You only speak of yourself.

[toots2375]

Disagreeing with someone's home diagnosis on a mental/personality 'disaorder' is not the same is telling someone to IGNORE their perspective/opinion. If you will look back, you will see that I never told anyone to IGNORE anything, simply that I disagreed, and why.

[frefromNarcCPS]

...blah blah blah...and I told you it WASN'T a HOME DIAGNOSIS but you didn't hear that did you? ROFL!! You are such a pittiful fool.

[toots2375]

Yes, I DID hear it..YOURS wasn't a home diagnosis. FINE. Found IS a home diagnosis. On and on she went re: books and magazine article and a show she watched. Big EYE ROLL. And when you come here, and tell these girls that it sounds like their men have NPD, then it IS a home diagnosis. Any the spelling is PITIFUL. And I am the fool? smirk....

[frefromNarcCPS]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'd reallllllyyyyy likkkeee tttoooo keeeepppp this up with you tooty dear, but you are simply a waste of my time.

[toots2375]

Received from Fre in private message- any my response:

[Jasmine 57]

OKAY LETS ALL TYPE POOP IN GOOGLE AND SEE WHAT YOU GET BECAUSE THIS CRAP ABOUT NPD IS JUST THAT CRAP. PLEASE GIRLS YOU MAKING ME SICK FROM LAUGHING. STUPID ONES PLEASE STOP WITH THE NPD CRAP. IT IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS FROM ANY PSYCHIATRIST. CAN YOU PLEASE STICK TO THE SCRIPT AND STOP TYPING ABOUT NPD. (IT DOES NOT EXIST) JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR ABUSE STUPID ONES THAT IS ALL.