THROWING UP ON MY BED??? WTF??? DON'T DATE SHAWN RAOUL.

[MargotSo]

I met Shawn Raoul in a nightclub in the downtown west side of Los Angeles on a particularly humid Summer night one year ago. He seemed nice at first, I remember thinking how sweet he was because he decided to pay for my drink and my friends. I took note of everything about him, he had a nice smile, was not bad looking [also not the best, but hey, how can I complain? In the end, even if they are ugly, they still all have dicks. It's all the same as far as I'm concerned] He wore these loose jeans, and he had a mustache.

Obviously, we went back to my place afterwards. He spent the night. The sex was alright, nothing too special [he had a rather small dick.] But halfway through the night, when we were sleeping, I remember waking up and a horrible atrocious smell immediately filling my nostrils. This was where it first got bad, ladies. He had vomited in his sleep all over the bed. The bastard. That was when I first learned of his little "problem". Apparently, Mr. Raoul had a spastic stomach, that would... well... "spaz out" to put it lightly. Almost every night he would either defecate or vomit in his sleep. [It took place in the late night hours because he was lying down, or something like that.]

I flicked on the nightlamp, of course wondering what this greenish, yellowish, putrid-smelling liquid was that I was covered in. He opened his eyes, and his face automatically went red. "Oh, sorry. That happens sometimes" he said dumbly in a stupid boyish voice. I remember thinking "Sorry??? Is that all you have to say? How about getting up and cleaning my bed?". I contemplated both kicking him out, and making him clean the sheets with his tongue, but then I felt a moment of pity. I decided perhaps it wasn't such a big deal, I would let it slide.

"That's okay" I said. "We'll clean these sheets right up and not worry about it"

I paused for a moment. "By the way... why don't we go on a date tomorrow night?". I didn't know where the words had come from. I suppose now, they were out of pity of some kind, but I felt I owed him for some reason.

"Okay" was all he said.

That was how I came to date Shawn Raoul. The next night, we ended up back in bed again. The same thing occurred, I woke up in a pile of vomit. The night after that he had pooped his pants [It was diarrhea and stank really bad, the bastard]

For seven months this went on almost every night. Sometimes I would sleep right through it because I was so tired from the night before, and sometimes I would sleep on the couch. Some nights he made it through the night without any "problems". But most nights, he would crap himself or throw up everywhere. I was always expected to clean up the sheets.

In the morning, he would eat like a pig. Ten pancakes, Four pieces of toast, eggs, and a cup of coffee. [most of which I usually ended up soaked in during the night]. Some nights he would wake me up after he had thrown up, and he would ask me to go get him a new pair of underwear because he had thrown up all over them. He wore these white briefs, and most of them had vomit stains from previous nights.

After the seventh month I couldn't take it. This man made me sick. I hated him. I wanted to kill him, but I resisted the urge, and instead I simply broke up with him.

"It's over Shawn, I can't take the vomit. You're ugly, your breath always smells horrible, and you have an incredibly small dick! I'm breaking up with you" I explained my reasons reasonably.

The bastard proceeded to throw up all over my brand new rug I'd just bought from Ikea. The sick bastard. He then got up off his knees. "Well that's fine, because I've been having sex with other guys while you were working anyways" he said. I punched him in the face, I'm pretty sure I broke his nose because he bled all over the rug, ruining it even more.

I kicked him out the next morning. I never want to see him again. Ladies, don't date Shawn Raoul, he is a horrible, degenerate, puking son of a bitch, who doesn't deserve to even get a seconds glance from a woman.

-Margot So & So

[broadview]

that is terrible!